Talk:Ryū Kurosaki
Problem Wow...this is overpowered beyond some of the stuff I've seen before.... -Fah New problems just nevermind, i give up--''アンタッチャブルかえんとりえいたい- "Untouchable Flame Bird Of Eternity" (吐露 - "Speak Your Mind"| ) 19:56, July 21, 2010 (UTC) Fail Title speaks for itself. "The Signer with a Burning Soul" (Learn About Me | Speak to Me | ) 19:34, July 21, 2010 (UTC) Review - Contradictions and Unrealism Bring Down the Vegetarian Shinobi Hello, this is Takeshi from the Naruto Fanon Administration and I've been hearing some bad stuff about this article. So here I am to give you my professional opinion, along with the good and the bad, and suggestions on how to fix the latter. Note that this review's score will be based on quality of content, grammar, and format. So let's start with your introduction and infobox. Ok so the infobox is missing the family section; even if you don't have names for anyone with a relation to him, you should add in at the very least 'Unnamed Relationship Here'. Otherwise the infobox is well filled out. The introduction paragraph is what draws a reader's interest into reading the rest of the article. While your intro is grammatically fine, you might consider adding in maybe a few key events in his life that would make him sound more interesting; its miner and optional but it will interest more people in reading the article. So your intro and infobox are fine except for an empty section, and a not entirely interesting intro. A few minor changes will remedy this, but for now its merely below to just average. Appearance and Personality; these are important and necessary things for all characters. Looking over it, both sections are grammatically sound, but how does it do in quality and originality? Appearance is fine, though you might want to give him some accessory that makes it more original. Its not mandatory but it would be nice if you used a picture that isn't from the canon for his infobox appearance. Now we have the personality. So basically he sounds like the nicest guy ever; not exactly realistic in a war stricken world; especially for a shinobi. Now it says he has never taken a life; even when he is angered by a friend being threatened. That statement is not accurate to the truth of anger. Unless he has significant control of his emotions, he will most likely accidently kill someone if angered in combat; especially with an adrenaline hype that comes from it and if you have control of you emotions you aren't likely to get completely angry and relentless in the first place. This guy has basically no negative personality quirks at all and that isn't realistic. This harms the quality of the article and with the above contradiction it hurts it quite badly. Your appearance is fine but nothing special; adding something unique will help. Your personality is contradictory and isn't realistic because there aren't any real negative quirks to him. So far your article is below average at best. Now we have the History; what exactly shaped the character into the person they are currently and so on. Grammar and formatting are both fine, now onto quality of content. So the beginning is similar to the Uchiha Massacre except unlike Sasuke, Kisuke choice a better path. The reason for picking this path is well helped by the fact of what his kekkei genkai does. Now we have becoming a sage; the fact that he also eventually ends up with the Kyuubi will easily make people think this is a Naruto clone and for good reason. Sure how it happened may be different but the outcome is the same. Also, the fact that a 7 year old would even manage to control there chakra to the point of being able to accidently pull a reverse summon and then master sage mode, even with 5 years, is kinda ludicrous; especially when you consider that the toads might not be interested in helping a stranger. My personal suggestion is to not use Senjutsu, but I'll get into that when we reach the abilities. Using a seal he made himself without help at such a young age to seal Kyuubi should have some far reaching consequences in the long run as well that would make is unique to other characters who have the Kyuubi. And then in the end he basically becomes Naruto but as if the village had never turned their opinions around of him. I suggest not using that conflict on him since if he managed to save them from the Kyuubi I doubt such a large majority of villagers would act like that; especially since this is after Naruto's time and the all came to like him. Long section, long review of it. History isn't entirely original and partially unrealistic. Nothing stands out and makes me interested because most of it has been done before. You're still below average and nearing bad I'm afraid. Abilities, the section the most people seem to have griped over. Abilities should tell about their capabilites as a fighter, politician, etc. and for best results should be original, not completely hax, and not poor in quality. Unfortunately only part of your abilities fit all three things. Let's talk about the good and then the bad. Ok so the only thing that really follows those 3 points is the Naitekigan; its fairly original, isn't totally hax, and is pretty interesting. But that is really the only thing that is good about the abilities; his physical and mental capabilities don't have any unique twist other than not being able to kill, he has both Senjutsu and the Kyuubi making him very powerful for a 17 year old (not to mention none of the capabilities of either of the two powers are unique to him), and his ninjutsu list contradicts his passive nature. If a person is passive and doesn't like killing, then why would they have so many jutsu that can serious and possibly mortally wound a person? It doesn't make sense in my mind really. Take away all but one or two such highly offensive techniques and add in some more defensive or nonlethal ones. The time-space ninjutsu, while not entirely bad, isn't exactly good either because its used a little too much throughout the fanon and is a signature type for two important characters of the canon. Preferablly it should be taken out, but it isn't necessary. So here comes the verdict after carefully looking over your character. Contradictions and unrealism severely hold this article back from getting a good score, and the fairly original and nonhax kekkei genkai can't save it. Takeshi's Rating: 3/10. Painful - If there is anything redeeming about this character, its buried beneath agonizing inconsistencies. --Takeshi (Talk here) 21:40, July 21, 2010 (UTC) Review - Redone for the Better Ok so I see your character has been revised. A brief skim suggests that you might get a better review this time around. Since I've already explained things regarding each section to you, this review might be a little shorter. Introduction and Infobox: I'll keep this short; Introduction is better though you might hint that the clan was betrayed to add more interest to it. You've added what was needed to the infobox; nothing bad to report. You're off to a good start; you're average to above-average for now. Appearance and Personality: Appearance seems to have been slightly revised and then added-on. The scarf gives you the originality I was looking for last time; though arguably so. A scarf is a fairly often used item, so to add some originality I suggest adding on to his wearing the scarf (Takeshi's Suggestion: Maybe have him use the scarf for choking people.). The personality lacks any of the contradictions and unrealism that plagued it beforehand. True, the cold dispassion has been done before, but you do explain it well and his ideas of good and evil really do boost the quality. You might add on how he acts around his peers and teammates, or something along that line, but the section is fine without it. The Appearance and Personality have both been redone and are much better than before. Very Good so far. History: You took out what was bad and fixed what was ok... perfectly fine now except you say he has telepathic powers but you took out his kekkei genkai that lets him read minds... (note that a shinobi can have 2 kekkei genkai) So basically you have a small inconsistency unless you just accidently cut out his mind reading powers. So you have an inconsistency in the history that is otherwise pretty good. Overall you're still in the very good section, but you're on shaky ground. Abilities: Like the history you took out what was bad... but you didn't exactly expand on anything that you added or left... You should expand on his use of dark release, and his use of speed and kenjutsu. Maybe even the opening paragraph of the abilities. Verdict: You fixed everything up, but left a few inconsistencies and a lack of detail in your abilities. The article still needs a little work, and then maybe you can raise your score even higher. Takeshi's Rating 8/10. Very Good - Innovative, but perhaps not something everyone will like. This score indicates that there are many good things to be had, but arguably so.